Rowan Tree and Red Thread

Last night we had our splendid friends, mizkit and chefted over for a light-hearted game of Cat, by John Wick. For those who don't know Cat is a game of playing cats, defenders of humanity, furred warriors against the fear-feasting Boggins, elegant victors of the Contest, and sadly distractable kitties partial to a bit of paper on a string.

In our game, Smoke and Damsel (known as Bandit and Bagheera to their 'owners') were new arrivals on the street, fond protectors of the Levitt family, and young Connie in particular. They had recently made friends with Hex (known as Alicanti to humans), a local street-cat, and had given themselves the task of finding a suitable playmate for Connie. The only obvious candidate on the street was Billy, 8 yo boy in the Austin's house next door to the Levitt's.

Problem was Billy had a Heavy. One of those creeping, binding Boggins who spin web upon web, sticking and clinging, pinning you down to the couch, ignoring the sunshine and the big world outside. Billy was stuck to the couch with his Playstation and barely knew Connie existed.

This fine morning the big humans were both at home ("It's a 'weekend'", said Smoke knowledgeably), with Mr Levitt swearing and banging in the garage and Mrs. Levitt unpacking boxes and testing smelly paint in the living room. "We're going out," Smoke and Damsel agreed and left through the cat flap.

In the garden they met Hex and decided the absence of a car next door meant it was a good time to go investigate the Austin's house. Looking in the front window they could see Billy stuck on the couch, playing his games again. To their catty eyes, the room was filled with cobwebs, hanging in great, dusty ropes from the ceiling and furniture. Damsel's keen eyes spotted a Boggin's nest high up in the corner of the room, with many malevolent spidery eyes glaring back at her from the knot of webs.

Hex went round the back to the kitchen window and waited for Billy to take a soda break. Eventually, the lethargic lad peeled himself off the couch and slouched into the kitchen to the fridge.

Up against the kitchen window Hex let out her loudest miaow. It was very loud. Even Billy in his Heavy stupor couldn't ignore that and turned, startled, to the window. Hex did a little dance of 'I'm so pretty' and persuaded him to open the window to say hello. She hopped down on the kitchen floor and distracted Billy while the other two slipped into the house.

Billy's distraction didn't last long. After patting Hex on the head he sloped off to the living room again, back to his couch. Damsel, something of a fraidy cat, gingerly followed him into the living room, only to be surprised by a huge spider dropping on her from above the door. She managed to spring away on her powerful legs (aided by her general nervous disposition) and left sharpish, letting Hex bound past her and onto the Boggin, spitting and clawing.

Hex's first attack was a good one, and she got her fangs into the horrid spider and bit deep. Smoke sprinted along the hall and round through the other door to the living room to charge the Boggin from the rear. Tag-team kitty mayhem ensued, with Smoke and Hex taking turns to bite and claw at the spider-thing. It was not without its own fangs, however and chewed Hex badly on the face.

As the howling rose, Damsel reasserted her cat pride and, spying the Boggin's offspring stirring from the nest, sprang into action. With a wall of death approach to the furniture, and a boost of magic from her mighty tail, she made a circuit of the room and propelled herself off the top of the couch into the air and across the whole room to land smack in the middle of the nest, clawing and biting like the champions of old. The nest shredded, the little Boggins faded and melted under her attack.

Back on the ground, Billy finally noticing the racket, turned to see the two cats, Hex and Smoke, combine their efforts in a flurry of cat fury, apparently fighting each other, but not actually touching one another.

They did more than touch the spider Boggin, however. Cut and bleeding an oily dream substance, it succumbed to the relentless attacks and collapsed, rapidly fading from the world with only a horrible stink to testify to its presence.

Victorious the cats all had a quick clean. Damsel then went to get Connie who was doodling outside her house. The other two lured Billy outside with clever food begging antics. Smoke, who was something of an escape artist, nipped behind Billy and deftly pulled the door shut behind him.

"Aww! I'm locked out!" cried Billy anxiously.

But soon he was distracted. Connie, cajoled by Damsel, leaned over the fence and shyly said hello. "I've got some chalk," she said, "wanna share?"

We agreed that the final shot, if it were a film/TV show, would show the two kids drawing on the sidewalk and, as the camera pulls out, the drawing resolves into a chalk drawing of three cats in mortal battle with a huge spider.

The three heroes sat on the fence and felt quite pleased with themselves, the natural state for any self-respecting cat, I think.